Grown-Up Stuff – Paradise Lost

In 2010, I remember walking in lower Manhattan around 14th street on the west side and seeing a grown-up video store advertise Kim Kardashian’s grown-up video with R.J. Norwood – on sale. Three months later, I decided, “I’m going to buy that.” I couldn’t find or remember the location of that store to save my life. I kept thinking, “Why did I wait so long? Why wasn’t my mind made up?”

The answer is pretty simple: she’s dull most of the time, so she might be  pretty dull there, too. There’s not much talk out there devoted to feats of awesomeness (the Pamela and Tommy Lee video springs to mind), so this wasn’t exactly something to go hunting after.

This fruitless search brought up a pet peeve about these sorts of places: like a crappy comic shop, you won’t find what you’re looking for. There will be no nights in Paris, no Chyna & X-Pac, no Rebecca Gayheart and what’s-his-face, no Danielle Staub or Dustin Diamond (was that really supposed to be a comeback? A comeback to what?) and no Shakira video, either. Pamela and Tommy Lee? Not even on the discount shelf.

So what is there to be had? Rows and rows of generic exotic babes posing for bland DVD cover photos, showcasing their skill at Pilates, really. There’s not even a grownup-famous celebrity, like Lisa Ann (Nailin’ Palin) or Jenna Jameson or Kelli McCarty or a few that I can’t remember right now (gee, this is not the most well-researched blog entry you’ll read here, but maybe that’s a good thing).

How about those parodies? I really wanted the Batman video, but they don’t have that, nor the Saved By the Bell one (I’m just assuming they did that, it seems so obvious). Over at http://www.comicbookrehab.blogspot.com – Earth Prime, I tended to nag about crappy comic shops, but Jeez, when you’re willing to walk into a grown-up video store, you can’t help but expect to get exactly what you want out of the experience and not leave empty-handed. So Comic Shops – do me a favor, just do me a favor: don’t follow the business model of a grown-up video store. We’re reserve the right to walk out empty-handed, but we don’t really want to.

I apologize if there are grown-up stores outside NYC that don’t follow this example and actually do cater to the needs of the consumer. Bless you, noble shopkeepers, bless you.

Brickbats!

I just felt like dropping a few bricks to make this new alternate Earth Pi universe more homey…:

I can change my mind: Back on Earth 1, I had written an entry titled, Batman Deux, in which I felt indifferent and apathetic after reading issue #2 of the relaunched Batman by Scott Snyder and Greg Capullo. Well, the library had the hardcover collected edition of the first six issues. I’m happy to say that while the second issue was still dull to me, I enjoyed all the other installments and look forward to following the second half when it is released in hardcover, as well as Snyder’s upcoming Joker storyline (teaser ads hint that the Joker seems to be losing face – more likely literally than figuratively). In the meantime, that Batgirl tie-in issue I read a few months back makes more sense now to me. I wish I hadn’t thrown it out.

A guilty pleasure bites the dust – hope it wasn’t my fault:  In an installment of “It’s Been a Pleasure”, in which I list my guilty pleasures in the world of pop culture, I mentioned I enjoy watching the teen comedy Victorious, mostly for Daniella Monet as the egotistical, delusional but hilarious minx-in-hot-pants Trina Vega.  Well, Nickolodeon cancelled the show this month. 15 episodes have yet to air, which makes the total number of episodes 52. Fans online seem more upset about how they won’t get regular exposure doses of their favorite cast members rather than the demise of the show itself, with Elizabeth Giles and Ariana Grande getting the most attention, though Daniella has a large fanbase on twitter (she’s campaigning to be on Dancing With The Stars in the Spring – she does have a dancer’s legs). As for the show, producer Dan Schneider has a pilot for a spinoff planned called Sam & Cat, in which Grande is paired with Jeanette MacCurdy’s character from iCarly as they form a babysitting service. Next, Schneider tweeted a cryptic tweet (is there such a thing as cryptic tweets?) in which he thought that, yeah, Daniella Monet should get a spinoff/show of her own, too! And this is a step up from comics fandom? … It’s the Christopher Lloyd effect – You see an actor give a great performance that you can’t compare with what came before it. Playing Doc Brown was Christopher Lloyd’s breakthrough performance, playing Trina was Daniella’s.

…hopefully her dancing partner will be Derek or Mark – they’re the only good male trainers..and Maksim, but he’s a lunatic.

The Joseph Adorno Adventures?:  I just got through watching most of seasons 4 and 5 of The Sarah Jane Adventures, the Doctor Who spinoff in which the late Elisabeth Sladen reprised her role as Sarah Jane Smith, a freelance reporter who investigates possible alien invasions with help from her adopted son, his two friends from school, a supercomputer named Mr. Smith and (occasionally) robot dog K9. It’s not bad, but no great shakes. Here’s why I have trouble really getting into it: the most interesting characters are Sarah Jane, Mr. Smith and K9. The kids are not. They’re presented as if they are everykids, characters that the target demographic is supposed to identify with. They’re about as smart and imaginative as the intended target audience is perceived to be, they make clichéd, action movie hero-style jokes about action movie hero clichés, they have concerns about school, family, homework, etc.., real life stuff  and points of social issues and order in between investigating the latest plot by the Slitheen, the Grassk, the Trickster, the Sontarans, etc… and they eat up a lot of screen time. I wish they were more interesting. They should be. Instead, they’re Sarah’s apprentices – if they ever do anything interesting, it’s like the writers were obligated to give them something to do, as opposed to it being a matter of course. There are hints that they were just beginning to resolve this when Sladen’s death resulted in the abrupt end of the series. As it is, there was no desire expressed to follow-up on the adventures of Luke, Clyde and Rani, but then again, our  we can just go on imagining that Sarah Jane is still alive and well in the Doctor Who universe. I’m still curious about K9, a separate spin-off series starring the robot dog and using the same format, but with a different design and supporting cast. The series was aired was aired everywhere but the U.S..